Bizarre Plastic Surgery, from Elfin Ears to Rib Resectifin
By Ben Goldman | Published on April 29, 2009 | 0 Comments
In a distant future, humans have become so obsessed with beauty that they spend mass fortunes of money to sculpt, mold, reduce and enlarge any part of the body in any way possible. Armpits will be injected with Botox to prevent sweating, ribs will be removed from the body to slim the waistline, and toes will be shortened for daintier feet. And all of this will be done in the name of perfection.
So how does civilization avoid this horrific nightmare of a future? Actually, it’s too late since it’s already happened.
And in order to give you a glimpse into this nightmare, we’ve compiled a list of the most bizarre plastic surgeries currently out there… from the future!
Ever wish you still had the handshake of a 12 year old? Well thanks to the advent of Hand Injections, you can now soften that manly grip and calloused fingers. Hand Injections are mostly used on women who have run out of ideas on how to alter their face, but it’s surprisingly not that uncommon of a procedure as it can also be used to hide those unsightly blue snaking veins that many elderly folk get later in life.
However, one has to wonder that if we’re now injecting hands, what will we inject next? Our armpits? Oh… wait…
Botox for Your Armpits!
Though Botox is generally used to eliminate wrinkles on one’s face, many celebrities got bored with this and decided to use it on their armpits. The FDA has recently approved Botox armpit injections as an effective way to reduce excessive sweating, and it has become a relatively common procedure amongst those floating around in Hollywood.
But before you get too excited about the prospect of saving money on deodorant, realize that the procedure costs up to $2,000, only lasts between 6-12 months, and can be dangerous for your health as you retain many impurities that perspiration helps you otherwise get rid of.
With the new Star Trek movie coming out in just a few weeks, many-a-child may find themselves wishing they had Captain Spock’s cool, pointy beacons of awesomeness known as his ears. Good news, children! Thanks to the marvel of science, you now can!
Due to a new procedure dubbed “elfification,” cosmetic surgeons can now make a slit that will sharpen your ears and make you one step closer towards joining the Elven race.
Additionally, the pointed design apparently improves your hearing (probably because of some mysterious Elfin biology secret), though the healing process can take several weeks. And it will leave you looking stupid.
Ever wanted to fit back into your favorite pair of high school prom shoes? Well there’s now a surgery that makes that possible! Toe reduction is used to reduce the length of your toes and is most often used on a particular toe that stands out from the rest. The same procedure can also be used to lengthen the toe, but the lengthening is considered a much more rare operation.
The other option is just to buy a bigger pair of shoes, but what else are you supposed to do with all that leftover money?
Is eating right and exercise not working out for you? Try getting a rib resection! A rib resection is the disturbing new operation that allows you to remove a portion of your lower, “floating,” ribs in order to produce the illusion of having a smaller waistline.
So if you have a freakish aversion to a treadmill, this procedure might be right for you. For everyone else who is disturbed by the prospect of removing a rib to look thinner, well, then join the crowd.
So when looking at the name of this operation, it sounds innocent enough, right? It has the word dermal in it, so we know it has something to do with skin. And obviously we’re modifying the skin, I guess. But that “trans” in “transdermal” is where everything goes to hell.
That’s because transdermal modification refers to the process of implanting jewelry under the skin. Yep, freaky Goths and psychos everywhere have transcended piercings entirely and have decided to just get their metal scraps implanted directly under the surface of their skin. By placing ball bearings and other metallic objects under the skin, it makes the recipient resemble a demon or mutant – something that I can imagine would be extremely appealing to wannabe supervillains.
But for the rest of us, we just have to shake our heads and cry ourselves to sleep at night wondering “why?!”
Have you ever gotten or considered getting a bizarre cosmetic surgery? Share your procedure in the comments section below!
*Disclaimer: The information on this website is not intended to substitute for the medical expertise and advice of your healthcare provider. We encourage you to discuss any decisions about treatment or care with an appropriate healthcare provider.